Let’s talk about girl-on-girl hating. It’s a real thing. I have experienced it my whole life. It never feels good, and has honestly always left me confused. Why do women and girls desire to pull down other females? We are often the voices of women empowerment, but are ironically the first ones to drag down the females around us. What gives? Why do we try to knock down the women we envy, admire or look up to? Why do you put down the women we feel superior to? Why, in a world where our country and many males view us as less than equal are we continuing this girl-on-girl crime? Shouldn’t we be rallying together, and cheering on those who are rising to challenges? Bullying, whether as children or adults, is the sign of a hateful, sad, insecure person. Knowing that helps, however it still really hurts.
Perhaps girls first experience this kind of repression in gym class. Girls make other girls feel bad if they try to compete. Boys make the girls feel unwelcome. Many teachers make assumptions regarding athletic ability based on gender. These girls become young women who hate exercise and feel threatened by anyone who happens to like sports or happens to work hard for their physique. To be clear, I am NOT saying that all women should aspire to be a size 0, be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or be a movie star – but why do we seem to put down the women who DO have these aspirations?!? Shouldn’t we instead say “good for you, girl!”
Since this is a fitness blog and not a political one, I am going to simply stick to the fitness side – though I must confess I have some strong opinions on this topic that go across the boards. In the fitness world, I see more girl-on-girl hate than anywhere else. If a woman makes the news for have six-pack abs a month post baby (and why that is news-worthy I’ll never understand), it never fails that the hundreds of comments below the article will be hateful, venomous remarks made by…..WOMEN. The hate, lashing out, and judgement over a complete stranger’s physique is disgusting. Ladies, instead of spending time writing hateful remarks, how about we do something POSITIVE with our free time! No, I do not think a woman should feel pressured to pop out a baby and have her pre-baby weight, whatever that might be, within a few months. Frankly, its up to the woman if she wants to lose the weight at all. Perhaps the real source of judgement is jealousy – because let’s face it, how many American women have their ideal set of six-pack abs ever – baby or not? While I am not a doctor and am not a mother, I can tell you this: It is a million times easier to be fit post-baby if you don’t gain 70 lbs. while pregnant. And ladies, just like anything in life, we have a CHOICE regarding what we eat, how much we eat, and how much we exercise. Yes, pregnancy requires weight-gain. Does it require 70 lbs. of weight gain? Absolutely not. I promise you the women who do happen to have a killer set of abs post-baby also had killer abs pre-pregnancy – and were probably hated on for that too.
It doesn’t make sense to me that ladies who are naturally petite judge those ladies who naturally carry more weight. Or that women who are plus-sized despise the women who are a size 2. The hate goes both ways. We are damned if we are thin and damned if we are fat. And if you happen to be toned and muscular, you will be considered self-centered and its assumed you don’t eat anything but salad. I hope we can all agree that no matter our size or health, we all feel judged. We all ARE judged. Let’s stop that. The venom is out of control. Can we stop focusing on size, age, power, superiority and for a second focus on happiness, health, achievements and working to be better versions of ourselves. Can we focus on cheering each other on, celebrating achievements and milestones, and perhaps empowering the women and girls in our lives.
When I watch my female runners train, its amazing to me how much they hold themselves back. I have witnessed dozens of ladies who tell me on day one what they are capable of, and they hold themselves to that number. On the flip side, many of my male runners are often ambitious with their goals and hardly ever put a cap on what their potential ability could be. Why are women so quick to cap their potential? Does it go back to gym class in middle school and being told what we can or cannot do? Does it go back to being scared of failing, and looking like fools? Is it that all of their female friends who run do it “for fun” and eliminate the concept of improving pace and ability? For the record, I think it is entirely possible to have fun and love a sport while still trying to improve.
Next time you read a news headline that tears down a woman, I encourage you to read the article from a different point of view. Journalism and the media realized a long time ago that women love to read about other women who have failed, or have succeeded so far that we somehow give ourselves permission to judge them. Instead, ask yourself a few questions – Why is this article “news?” Is the point of the article to communicate anything positive? How is the subject depicted? Do we actually really know anything about the person in the article? Who are we to judge? A chain in perspective and attitude can happen, but it will take time. It is my hope that someday, girls won’t feel inferior in gym class, that women feel supported by their fellow sisters instead of judged and that we create a world where females feel empowered, strong, and equal. Let’s start today. Go be awesome.