#LikeAGirl and girl-on-girl hating

Liz Corkum 322Let’s talk about girl-on-girl hating. It’s a real thing. I have experienced it my whole life. It never feels good, and has honestly always left me confused. Why do women and girls desire to pull down other females? We are often the voices of women empowerment, but are ironically the first ones to drag down the females around us. What gives? Why do we try  to knock down the women we envy, admire or look up to? Why do you put down the women we feel superior to? Why, in a world where our country and many males view us as less than equal are we continuing this girl-on-girl crime? Shouldn’t we be rallying together, and cheering on those who are rising to challenges? Bullying, whether as children or adults, is the sign of a hateful, sad, insecure person. Knowing that helps, however it still really hurts.

Perhaps girls first experience this kind of repression in gym class. Girls make other girls feel bad if they try to compete. Boys make the girls feel unwelcome. Many teachers make assumptions regarding athletic ability based on gender. These girls become young women who hate exercise and feel threatened by anyone who happens to like sports or happens to work hard for their physique. To be clear, I am NOT saying that all women should aspire to be a size 0, be the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, or be a movie star – but why do we seem to put down the women who DO have these aspirations?!? Shouldn’t we instead say “good for you, girl!”

Since this is a fitness blog and not a political one, I am going to simply stick to the fitness side – though I must confess I have some strong opinions on this topic that go across the boards. In the fitness world, I see more girl-on-girl hate than anywhere else. If a woman makes the news for have six-pack abs a month post baby (and why that is news-worthy I’ll never understand), it never fails that the hundreds of comments below the article will be hateful, venomous remarks made by…..WOMEN. The hate, lashing out, and judgement over a complete stranger’s physique is disgusting. Ladies, instead of spending time writing hateful remarks, how about we do something POSITIVE with our free time! No, I do not think a woman should feel pressured to pop out a baby and have her pre-baby weight, whatever that might be, within a few months. Frankly, its up to the woman if she wants to lose the weight at all. Perhaps the real source of judgement is jealousy – because let’s face it, how many American women have their ideal set of six-pack abs ever – baby or not? While I am not a doctor and am not a mother, I can tell you this: It is a million times easier to be fit post-baby if you don’t gain 70 lbs. while pregnant. And ladies, just like anything in life, we have a CHOICE regarding what we eat, how much we eat, and how much we exercise. Yes, pregnancy requires weight-gain. Does it require 70 lbs. of weight gain? Absolutely not. I promise you the women who do happen to have a killer set of abs post-baby also had killer abs pre-pregnancy – and were probably hated on for that too.

It doesn’t make sense to me that ladies who are naturally petite judge those ladies who naturally carry more weight. Or that women who are plus-sized despise the women who are a size 2. The hate goes both ways. We are damned if we are thin and damned if we are fat. And if you happen to be toned and muscular, you will be considered self-centered and its assumed you don’t eat anything but salad. I hope we can all agree that no matter our size or health, we all feel judged. We all ARE judged. Let’s stop that. The venom is out of control. Can we stop focusing on size, age, power, superiority and for a second focus on happiness, health, achievements and working to be better versions of ourselves. Can we focus on cheering each other on, celebrating achievements and milestones, and perhaps empowering the women and girls in our lives.

When I watch my female runners train, its amazing to me how much they hold themselves back. I have witnessed dozens of ladies who tell me on day one what they are capable of, and they hold themselves to that number. On the flip side, many of my male runners are often ambitious with their goals and hardly ever put a cap on what their potential ability could be. Why are women so quick to cap their potential? Does it go back to gym class in middle school and being told what we can or cannot do? Does it go back to being scared of failing, and looking like fools? Is it that all of their female friends who run do it “for fun” and eliminate the concept of improving pace and ability? For the record, I think it is entirely possible to have fun and love a sport while still trying to improve.

Next time you read a news headline that tears down a woman, I encourage you to read the article from a different point of view. Journalism and the media realized a long time ago that women love to read about other women who have failed, or have succeeded so far that we somehow give ourselves permission to judge them. Instead, ask yourself a few questions – Why is this article “news?” Is the point of the article to communicate anything positive? How is the subject depicted? Do we actually really know anything about the person in the article? Who are we to judge? A chain in perspective and attitude can happen, but it will take time. It is my hope that someday, girls won’t feel inferior in gym class, that women feel supported by their fellow sisters instead of judged and that we create a world where females feel empowered, strong, and equal. Let’s start today. Go be awesome.

Caloric Cocktails and Naughty Noshes

In honor of summer, and the many garden parties, social events, happy hours, vacations, and other celebratory events on your calendar, I have decided to write a blog in honor of the lovely cocktails and noshes that we will all be consuming.

Many people sabotage their diet plans and weight-loss goals without knowing they are doing it. Social gatherings alway involve food and drink, and can cause a person to feel in a bit of a trap: how to partake in social events without completely sabotaging a weight-loss goal?!?

Fear not, I have a few tips to help.

Avoid fried foods. Yes, they are delicious, and very popular at social events. They also pack an extremely high caloric-punch. Stick to non-fried alternatives and you can eat more while consuming fewer calories.

Beware of cheese. This one makes me want to cry, since cheese is one of my top five foods. If you aren’t looking to lose weight, I say go ahead and have your cheese. If you are looking to drop some weight, avoid cheese. You don’t know how much cheese went into that yummy, melted dish, and knowledge is power. If there are cheese slices out, you can eyeball what an ounce is, and indulge a *little.*

Avoid “salads.” chicken salad. Potato salad. Lobster salad, yada, yada, yada. Why? These summer staples are often loaded with mayonaise and/or sour cream, which are extremely high in calories and fat. If you choose to have some salads, be honest with how much you are eating. One cup of chicken salad can easily pack 400-500 calories. One cup. Yeah.

Avoid sugary cocktails. I love a good pina colada as much as the next gal. Margaritas are delicious. Mojitos? Divine. If you are watching your figure, don’t have any of them. One margarita can pack 400-600 calories. One cocktail. Do you know how many vodka cranberries or glasses of wine you could consume for those same calories? Try 2-3. look, if you want to have one sugary cocktail it won’t completely ruin your diet goals, but combine that margarita with fried mozzarella sticks and a cup or two of chicken or potato salad, and you start to see the whole picture.

What should you indulge in while at your dozens of summer social events? My advice: for beverages, stick to wine, beer (careful, a 6 pack of beer is over 1000 calories!!!!), martinis, rum and diet coke, vodka cranberries – cocktails that contain 150-250 calories per drink. That way, you can still partake in the party, but at a fraction of the calories you’d consume if you have the same amount of margaritas.

For food, stick to what’s raw. Veggies and hummus. Fruit salads. Cheese slices (remember, you can keep an honest eye as to how much cheese you are nibbling), tossed salads, grilled chicken.

251443_660133989274_8009646_nI know it’s hard to “behave” while most friends will be loading up their plates without a care in the world, but remember the big picture. You have some sort of fitness goal, which is way more important than that damn tray of mozzarella sticks, right? Think of that number on the scale, that target dress size, that string bikini, that goal race – whatever your goal may be.

I’ll raise a martini glass to you, being fit and fabulous!

Burned Vs. Consumed

_MG_9291_finalIn our own delusional world, we’ll say an hour at the gym equals the ability to eat whatever we want for the rest of the day and we’ll end up calorically at zero. Ah, our foolish delusions. If you are still clinging onto those delusions, your coach is going to give you a reality check.

Folks, as I have mentioned before, gym equipment lie about your calories burned. Ignore that lovely, delusional number and know your own stats and calories burned. Refueling (also a previous blog topic) is important, but refuel with a purpose: to replenish and aid those muscles.

Personally, when I trained for my first marathon, I gained weight. Why? Well, part of it was a delusional mentality. I wanted to be fueled for my next workout, and had no concept of what was necessary instead of excess. Another reason I gained weight was that my appetite seemed out of control, and I kept feeding the beast. The last reason was my work environment. At the time I was working on the set of “Blue Bloods” full time, and the dreaded Craft Services was a constant temptation for my out-of-control appetite. The long hours, and unpredictable running schedule left me shoveling trail mix, pasta, and bagels into my mouth.

Yes, while training for a marathon you will need to eat more than before you started training. (HOORAY!!!!) However, if you use that as an excuse to eat everything, you will be in the same boat as the gym rat who decides an hour on the elliptical equals indulging on 2000 calories out at the local pub. Folks, it’s a matter of calories consumed versus calories burned.

Here’s a secret: If you love to workout and/or run, and you love food, you get the best of both worlds. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t love a juicy cheeseburger with fries and a few pints, or a large piece of cake as much as the next person. I LOVE FOOD. I love to cook. I love to bake. I love to eat. HOWEVER, I have learned since that first marathon season how to fuel, refuel and train without gaining any weight while savoring those indulgences too.

Do you need help balancing your food versus exercise? I’m pretty sure you know a coach who can help.